GEORGE NAVAL BASE, ROSEWOOD – HM King Adam has admitted that the key to the Department of the Treasury’s safe is missing, and its prior whereabouts unknown as well.
The King, who also serves as Secretary of the Treasury, has for over a year kept on his personal key ring the key to the safe containing Überstadt’s public fund of US dollars and the Treasury’s financial records. He reports that he has been unsure of the location of his key ring for weeks, and does not recall where he last put it.
“I don’t know where it is, but it’s definitely [in the Royal Residency] somewhere,” he reportedly told a judge this week, promising to find the key promptly.
The bulk of the Treasury’s funds are inaccessible as a result, which will likely postpone the compensation awarded to the former owners of nationalized businesses. The supply of uncalculated übers is still accessible, as is the Royal Chocolate Reserve. If the key is determined to be permanently lost, the safe will be forced open to retrieve the funds.